01.05.08 - Fuck fuck shit fuck!
Well, this is my last week of Windows Server 2003 class at school, and tomorrow is my FINAL exam on it (which, by the way, is worth 60% of my final mark in that part of the course!). So today was review day for that, and we're going over all the stuff that may/may not be on the exam, so that I can study and hopefully get at least a half decent mark on this bitch.
The review notes I made are in point form - as if there's any other way to take notes - and just the small notes and page references account for about 2 pages both sides, every line, of content that I need to study. Mind you, this class was only 3 weeks long. So in 15 days, I am expected to remember, or at least pretend to remember, everything for Windows Server 2003. Active Directory is pretty simple really. Group policy is simple in THEORY, but remembering the paths to each set of policy without having a tree that I can expand infront of me is definately going to be a shot in the dark. Then we've got a few important ports to remember. Remote Desktop (3389), LDAP (389), Kerberos (88), and probably a few others I'm forgetting. Which I probably shouldn't be forgetting. Add some MMC snap-ins like Resultant Set of Policy, Security Configuration and Analysis; maybe throw down some command line methods for adding, removing, and modifying users, groups, and computers (which is pretty much a huge waste of time unless you're making some sort of script or batch file for automagically create this shit for you on multiple machines). Like fuck, there's a nice graphical interface for this shit that alot of nerds probably spent alot of time building for us to make use of, and you want me to use COMMAND line for it? What is this, linux? haha No, that's still to come...
Anyways, I have like 350 pages to study tonight. How fucking ridiculous is that? Should I even bother? Or should I just test myself and see how much of this shit I already know? Well either way tomorrow is going to be a slaughter in my classroom. Even if I don't fail this exam, there are a few people in my class that I have a feeling won't fair very well (leave the room crying like bitches). I guess we'll see what happens.
On a much lighter note though, I DID manage to get the internal GPS chip working on my phone (HTC Touch [CDMA]) last night, and it works pretty well. So kudos to me for once again getting a step ahead of the mobile game. Fone HAX 4 LYfe bEEEEitch!
04.26.08 - Video Games
As many of you may well know, the early childhood years are the formative ones in our lives. They are the years that determine every aspect of our personality, and the ones in which our brains are capable of the most learning. This learning often takes the form of normative social values, and the various punishments in place to enforce them. The number one reason I tell the truth today is because I’m slightly afraid that someone is going to haul off and spank me, or put me in a corner to make me think about what I had done.
Now, I had busy parents, as I’m sure the rest of you did as well. They had no qualms about plunking me down in front of a television set, or in front of a computer to play whatever vile game was the rage of the day. It was convenient for them, and I look back upon those days with nostalgia. I am still a major gamer because of those early childhood moments spent absorbed with my Nintendo. More importantly however, I learned valuable life lessons from the various video games I grew up with. In no particular order, here are the most influential.
1)From the Mario Brothers, came the knowledge that eating small magical mushrooms could make me grow larger, or give me extra life. By consuming special varieties of flowers, I could suddenly rain fireballs upon the heads of my enemies. The leaf of a certain plant would enable me to fly. Also, whenever you thought you had saved the princess, suddenly it turned out to be some talking toadstool. But you kept plugging onwards in your quest, and eventually you were rewarded. Lesson: Hard work with the help of special substances will lead you to success.
2)The Legend of Zelda is perhaps my favorite game of all time. I would devote countless hours cutting down tall grass and bushes, or looking in other peoples pots for the ever illusive rupee for my “bling-bling”. I also look with fondness upon the “spin-sword” attack. Used to vanquish your enemies by summoning magical energy and sort of spinning, I used this technique many times against the various bullies I encountered in the schoolyard. Lesson: Invading peoples home and breaking their stuff is all right if you tell them it is for an important quest. Also, bullies laugh at you if you attack them with magic.
3)One of the best racing games of all time was F-Zero, and it’s sequel, F-Zero X. These futuristic races were held at various locales around the universe, in hover cars that were capable of intense high speeds. My number one strategy for winning was to simply run into my opponents. I would either approach them from behind or use a more traditional side-swipe. The result was always the same; fiery carnage and JOSH NUMBER ONE! Lesson: This one is for you, kids. Drivers beware. I will not be defeated….
4)Quack Quack Quack! For weeks, months even, that foul sound would haunt my dreams and cause me no small amount of anger. It was a symbol of my failure, the complete inability to level the sights of my gun upon those wily ducks. Worse yet was the mocking laughter of what was supposed to be my best friend when-ever I missed. The pointing, the laughing… questioning my manhood…. I’ll show you, DOG!!!!!! Lesson: You are not a man unless you can aim a gun and shoot a duck.
That is just a partial list of the video games that kept me occupied as a child. As you can see, all of these games taught me valuable life lessons that I could not have gotten anywhere else. They were an important part of my life and have made me who I am today.
04.25.08 - The Question: Walker or MacGyver?
There is a colossal question. This question in question has occupied the minds of scholars and regular dudes alike since the early nineties. An Adams-esque question indeed, in some respects very similar to the question of 'Life the Universe and Everything.' It's similar, yet the scale of the answer is beyond anything one can find in a philosophy textbook or a satirical science fiction novel. And before arriving at an answer to this epic query, one must waste countless sunny afternoons, hung-over on the couch, eating 'bad food.' The answer to the question may shock you, even anger you, but the answer carries little weight unless one first knows the question. For example, the answer is Walker, Texas Ranger. Anything? Maybe a mild snicker or loving grin at most, and only from those of us who carry an ironic enjoyment of the show, but the importance of such an answer will be revealed immediately.
Which show is the more superior, MacGyver or Walker, Texas Ranger?
Now I know I may have already lost some of you MacGyver supporters, but it's essential that you approach this concept with an open mind. I assure you valid, detailed explanations will be given. Your patience is duly appreciated.
Now, first of all, one must consider the importance of the supporting cast that each show has to offer. MacGyver has Dana ''clair' Elcar, a man who's always good for an ironic laugh, especially in the show's opening sequence, when he turns slightly to his left, revealing that completely ridiculous shit-eating grin. The trouble is, that the true recurring characters stop there, barring a few shows with a very young, erection inducing Terri Hatcher as Mac's girlfriend, some asshole with a moustache that always fucks MacGyver over, but is too lovable to stay angry with, and finally a character proven the most entertaining, Murdoc, a sexually confused, maniacal hit man. He really brings a comfort aspect to the show because a loyal viewer can always expect the same stupid shit out of him. He's always disguised in some obvious way at first, and then manages to blow everyone's mind when he removes his fake moustache and glasses. Also, he always yells MacGyver's name in an 'I'll get you next time' sort of way, immediately before he narrowly escapes death. And when I say narrow, I mean fucking narrow. This man has held an exploding stack of TNT, fallen from a 500-foot cliff, and escaped with nothing but a ruggedly handsome scar. The bastard has the recovery capabilities of a certain cartoon coyote that comes to mind. But Murdoc aside, this supporting cast is seriously lacking, and it pales in comparison to Walker's.
The superiority that Walker's supporting cast brings to the table can easily be summed in five syllables: No-ble-Will-ing-ham. Done. C.D. Parker not only has the most legitimate filmography of all the 'actors' on either show, but he is damn awesome. An olde-timey southern gent with a heart of gold, but bad guys in sleeveless plaid, look the fuck out, because although at first glance he appears to be into his seventies, over weight, completely out of shape, and an alcoholic clinging to the final threads at the end of life's rope, he can still kick a lot of ass, Texas-style. But of course, what true image one gets of Walker omits the goofy in an unfunny way face of the poor attempt at comic relief, Clarence Gilyard Jr. AKA Jimmy Travette? Talk about character development, in the first episode we see Jimmy with glasses, by the final episode... yes you guessed it, no glasses, plus he weighs noticeably more. I believe Travette's original purpose was to give Walker a sense of legitimacy in the eyes of the Black community and to show the TV-watching world that he is one of the few Texans who is colour blind. However, his charisma, interesting quirks, and sidesplitting buddy-cop banter with Walker, made him so much more than that. For one thing, he was good with computers. Oh, and he also pissed Walker's money away into shoddy investments about forty three times. Actually, in retrospect Travette was a bit of a pussy, let's forget about him. Forget about him because we have a goddess to consider. Alex Cahill-Walker, oh yeah Sheree, how you doin' baby? Still lookin' good at sixty, baby, you are so old enough to be my grandmother and it turns me on all the more''' oh' still reading? I think enough has been said on the subject of supporting characters in either program. It's definitely time to (clean up and) move on.
Now forgive me if I avoid the Chuck Norris clich's, I personally think most people who use them are often poser Norris fans who haven't even seen Delta Force. I feel it's more important to stress how amazing it is that he's actually sustained such a long and successful career, than to focus on how his tears cure AIDS, making it a 'so close yet so far' situation for the continent of Africa because he never cries. I mean it's true that the poor man can't even walk convincingly on screen, but his presence is so massive that it doesn't even matter. Macgyver, admittedly, is a worthy adversary. He is the left wing answer to the 'perfect man' persona, which Walker carries. A non-violent but equally ridiculous character who instead of driving a pickup truck through the wall to get the bad guys, will disintegrate it by combining egg shells, a broken hockey stick and the cigarette butts in a nearby ashtray. While we never see Walker without a gun, MacGyver has never used one, combating those who use firearms against him with blow darts and soy sauce packets. Aside from these differences however, there are many striking similarities. Both men seem to be completely dedicated to their work, rarely getting a day off, while somehow being able to find the time to be everyone's best friend. I swear to God every fucking episode a new 'old friend' pops up and I think, 'What the fuck? I've never seen this guy, and I've been watching this show for six years. Where did you come from 'old friend?' Another striking similarity between the two heroes is the fact that every woman they meet is instantly dripping wet in their presence, yet they never care to get laid. I mean just once I'd love to see Mac chilled out watching Conan after getting his fuck on, or Walker scratching his balls as he looks into the fridge for the olive jar after scoring a random blowie. At the beginning of these often less than coherent ramblings, I mentioned that Walker, Texas Ranger was superior to MacGyver. That was my answer. And I wrote down some observations from both shows, with a slight bias towards Walker. My true goal was not only to prove my answer, but to guide you in your search for yours. Both shows are capable of providing hundreds of hours of mind numbing entertainment during which the most complex questions you'll have to ask will be either, 'Is Walker going to rescue Alex and then retreat to CD's for some light-hearted shit?' or 'Is MacGyver going to combine three things together to make another thing and then use that thing to his advantage?'